Dealing With the Decision (Rejection and Acceptance)

   I thought I would write a post about how I dealt with rejection (and being accepted) because I went through a lot last year and it could be helpful for you (or now.. I'm actually currently writing this post in August because I'm not sure if I'll have time to write one around the time of semi and or finalist notifications and I have really been wanting to write this post for a long time, so sorry about any strange date differences and whatnot).

  I started off the application season right at the end of August when I got back from Argentina. Another exchange was something was planning before and sort of during Argentina so I was already excited and had all that energy bottled up. I even joined a message group on Facebook with fellow applicants in order to contain that energy and not annoy my friends and family too much with me talking about all the programs all the time (I really suggest you do this because I made some really great friends through it and some of them can be really helpful throughout the whole process, especially if you both get rejected, it adds support to you if that makes any sense at all). And then December came along and the NSLI-Y semi-finalist notifications came as well right on the 1st. I didn't receive one that day... The next day on the 2nd, I received an email but it wasn't the news I wanted. I was checking my email at the end of my Spanish class when I saw it, a burst of excitement filled me but then when I opened it, I was crushed. I had not been offered a semi-finalist position. This really upset as I really wanted to learn Russian and live in Russia (or Estonia or Moldova) but I tried to pull myself together for the last few minutes of school. Once I got to the car I went through my general stages of disappointment: Anger, Crying, Numbness, More Crying, Passion, Acceptance. I couldn't be upset too long because I had to go to an ACT prep class but it was hard for me to deal with it at first but then I told myself that I wasn't meant to be and to move on.

    One thing that I've found myself telling myself for the last year or two is that you can't have everything or win everything and that everything happens for a reason. This year has also absolutely enforced that and has helped me understand it even more. Later in December I got accepted by my first college to send me an acceptance, Montana State University. It made me feel better and made me feel more wanted. I also sent in my YES Abroad application that month and then my CBYX  app in early January. Then I started to the waiting game again for study abroad. FFA district extemporaneous public speaking (This is a competition within FFA that I had a notebook of 100 pages on 30 different topic. In the contest I would have to pull one of the 30 topics, write and prepare a speech in 30 minutes, and then present it in front of a panel of judges) was also that month and I placed third meaning I couldn't go on to sectionals. But it was all okay, I still had prepared public speaking to try for and I was hoping that I wouldn't be going to State convention that year anyway because of In person Selection Event for YES Abroad. At the end of January I received my CBYX semi-finalist notification which made me feel better but from what I had heard, almost everyone receives a semi-finalist position for ASSE (as long as you are qualified) so it didn't exactly feel too confident.

  February had just started and I, as well as my fellow applicants, were freaking out about YES Abroad semi-finalist notification and the In Person Selection Event that came with it. We all wanted to meet each other so badly. We also just heard about ExCEL Abroad so I started my application for it. District prepared public speaking went by and I didn't even place in the top four. Still hopeful about In Person Selection Event and YES Abroad, I brushed that aside and didn't let it bother me too much. In about mid-February I received my acceptance letter from Arcadia University, my number one choice for college which was exciting as it is the number one ranked school in study abroad and I had the opportunity to apply for their First Year Study Abroad Experience. Finally, after days, weeks, and months of waiting it was the last business day of February and YES Abroad notifications started to come out. I checked my email, not wanting the email to come at that time but it did... I had gotten rejected.

   This rejection was the one that stung and hurt me the most. I had really thought that I would get this program and I really wanted it. I didn't understand why I had gotten rejected and was super upset about it that night. Part of why I didn't understand why I had gotten rejected was that YES Abroad called and emailed me a week before notifications about my graduation status which made all my friends (and myself partially) that I was a shoe in for IPSE. I didn't understand why they wasted my time with that phone call and email if they were just going to reject me in the end. But thanks to my fellow applicants who also got rejected that day, I had company and we helped each other out that night. I couldn't be upset too long, I had my CBYX interview the next morning which I squeaked and coughed myself through (I had gotten super sick that week and even lost my voice at my FFA district convention earlier that week) it and hoped that I did well enough to avoid another rejection.

   March was not a very happy month for me. I was still very upset about being rejected and it affected my attitude and self esteem A LOT. My mother didn't really understand why I was so upset by this rejection and I tried to explain to that I had gotten my hopes up too high and really wanted the program and to meet all the people that I had made friends at IPSE. The only positive that I saw from this was that I would be able to defend my FFA state agriscience fair title for the third year in a row in which, I ended not winning anything at state that year, including  the essay contest in which I had placed second my freshman and sophomore year. I began to believe that I was a complete failure and that everything that I was applying for I would be rejected from. That feeling started to fill my brain so much and all the time. To point that was considering withdrawing my CBYX and ExCEL Abroad application so I wouldn't have to deal with rejection again but thanks to my fellow rejectees who threatened to withdraw their own application and one even said they would put bleach in their eyes if I did it, I decided to hold on and wait for what I thought would still be a rejection (shout-out and huge thank you to Jeremy, Alexis, and Megan for encouraging me to stay in the game and keep trying). The only thing that made me feel better that month was a letter from Arcadia University accepting me into their First Year Study Abroad Experience program or FYSAE for London Spring semester of 2016.

  The end of March came and the time for CBYX ASSE notifications had finally came and I got accepted! I was so happy and SO IN SHOCK for days! April came with two acceptances from Utah State and Oregon State, one Waitlist notification from University of Washington, and a rejection from Oregon State's honor college. And finally my semi finalist and finalist notification for ExCEL Abroad.

   I don't believe that I dealt with rejection in the best way possible but I had no real idea on how to deal with so much rejection and failure as well as acceptance and success. It also didn't help that the ones who did get accepted weren't exactly nice or supportive of my fellow rejectees and I but thanks to them, it taught me how I should and shouldn't act when being accepted and how to with the ones who had been rejected. What really got me through this was, as I said before, the fact that you can't win or have everything you want, it has to even out. If you won all the time and got what you wanted all the time as well, are you really winning or actually growing from the experience? NOPE! Also that everything happens for a reason, even though I may not like it, and also that there is or was something better out there for me whether it had been college or an exchange program.

   What I really want to finish up with is that even with your first, second, or even third rejection. DON'T GIVE UP! It will all be okay. You never know what the future holds and the next year, whether it be here or abroad, will be what is best for you at the time. Remember that if I had given up and pulled my application like I started to want to in March, I would not be going to Lithuania this year or even of known that I had gotten CBYX or ExCEL Abroad. Everything did happen for a reason and even though those were the two program I thought I had no chance of getting into, I got them! It could very well be you next year so please don't give up on yourself. I wish you the best of luck and if you wish to contact me about your feelings on this or need someone to talk to about rejection (if you were rejected of course), please comment below.