I've been giving it some thought and have reread my last post concerning my decision and have realized that there are actually a lot more reasons then that that affected my decision. Also, my reasoning has changed since then due to some very unexpected pop-up and roadblocks that caused me to question and then ultimately rethink my decision.
First off, I never expected to get ExCEL Abroad and when I received my finalist notification I was in shock. It just seemed right to me because of the shock and overall excitement of receiving it. But I wondered if I really wanted it or was my feelings telling me to take it because I was surprised? Was it really the right decision for me? It didn't help that I was getting fixed signals from my friends and family for what to choose. One's would say Germany and talk down Lithuania while others would tell me that I was basically stupid not to take Lithuania. If someone would talk down Lithuania, I would instantly start defending it and though people didn't really talk Germany down, I'm sure I would have defended it too. Just because of that and of the reasons said in my previous decision post, I chose Lithuania.
Then the really unexpected happened. The day was going to drop out CBYX I got an email from my host family from Germany. That really stopped me in my tracks and I had no idea what to do. I instantly started to rethink my decision. The family seemed so nice, sweet, and perfect but most of all very excited to host me. I felt torn in two, I wanted to go with my initial decision but I felt bad about Germany. My fellow exchange applicant friends had no advice for me because I don't think any of us knew what to do in this situation and really, it was my problem which ultimately would end in some sort of heartbreak whether it be giving up the program that I thought I would never get or giving up a family that wanted to host me and were nice.
There was one other problem, at the time, which was about 45 days after I got notified for ExCEL Abroad, I had not heard from ExCEl Abroad AT ALL. Not only were my parents getting uneasy about that but I was as well. This made me question my decision even more and made the decision that much harder.
Finally, after almost two months, I finally got some information about ExCEL Abroad and though it tore my heart, I finally let go of CBYX. I was very sad about giving it up and not being able to be a part of the CBYX family but outside all of the hurt I was feeling I felt as though I had made the decision that was right for me or at least that's what I think. (Shout-out to all my CBYX friends as they get ready to leave 13-14 days! Love you guys and I hope you have a wonderful year in Germany!).
But one thing for sure was that I wasn't quite sure my about my reasoning about it. When asked I would kind of just say what my previous blog post said and or try to remember some of it at least. It wasn't until the other day that I think I finally realized my true reasoning. When I was first applying for all of these exchange programs, my fellow applicants and I would all try to figure out what, if we were offered all of the programs, program we would chose. I said that I was chose ExCEL Abroad even over the Russian program that I initially really wanted. I understand that decisions change but after doing research, I really wanted to go to Lithuania almost more then any of the other countries offered by the other programs. Also, I thought being one of the first people to go would be amazing and would possibly make me stand out more in future job interviews and maybe even make me look better. It was a risk and I wanted to take it. It felt right. That doesn't at all mean that I'm not terrified or nervous about going but it's one of those why not's. I know that no matter what country I chose I would also question what the other country's experience would have been like but I felt more so with Lithuania, almost like I was throwing one of the biggest opportunities of my life away (not saying that Germany wasn't a huge opportunity, it just feels to me that in my situation that I would question myself more if I took Germany). I know that for the rest of my life I will be asking myself what Germany would have been like but that's what happens when you get offered more then one scholarship, country, or opportunity and it's the price you have to pay.
Looking back on all those times my exchange applicant friends and I would wonder if given all 3-4 programs that we applied for and what we would choose, I'm so happy now that I only got accepted into two out of the four programs because my decision probably would have been a lot more harder. After going through my rollercoaster-of-decision-making, I am now speaking directly to future applicants: even if you only get one of the three or four programs that you apply for, don't feel bad! It doesn't mean anything and whatever program you got I am sure is what is best for you and you are going to have an amazing year. You will have a great time no matter what program you are on and or what country you're in, as long as you make it that way. You are in charge of your experience, if you think it's going to be crappy then it's going to crappy and if you think it's going to be great then it'll be great! Just be happy that you get to go on exchange because there are a lot of kids who wish they could be in your shoes.
I am very grateful to of had these opportunities and the chance to make a decision. Though it was hard and did have a lot of bumps I'm glad that they happened because though it did make my decision harder to make it did help in some sort of way (if that makes any sense at all). I can't wait to see where it takes me in and am beyond excited for departure to Lithuania in 34 days!
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